False Hopes

Lux Aeterna, Demo Day, and Sidereal Times all on Friday

Hey! How comfortable are you with yourself?

That is the question I’ve needed to ask myself as this week, this month, and this season of Buildspace come to a close.

Multiple projects concluding at the same time — a monumental Demo Day a little over a year from when I started this race with writing.

To be clear, three big things are happening on Friday:

1. The release of Lux Aeterna

2. Demo Day and the end of Buildspace Season 5

3. Sidereal Times Issue One

The one occupying most of my mind is the release of Lux Aeterna. I even created a neat little landing page to help promote the book.

Before all my attention is focused on the new release, I wanted to spend a moment reflecting on my more passive choices.

A chance to explore some of the context behind the creation of Lux Aeterna and an explanation for my lacking participation in the community for Season 5.

Passion Projects

I’ve expressed multiple times how much I enjoy the overall ethos of Buildspace. The way both the people behind the initiative and its core values embrace and encourage those who seek out the road less traveled.

The story I’ve doubtlessly already told starts with a good friend of mine sending an off-hand link to this little thing he found.

As with many of those who know me well enough, he could see how I had been more than a little down on my luck. The fiery passion behind my usual work snuffed out as I struggled to find my own feet, much less my footing.

Buildspace looked like a great opportunity to reignite my soul and find a path to a better career. These were Silicon Valley syndicates without the cynical edge of isolated perspective — at least in appearance and ambition.

The group of tech bros were rolling off a couple initially successful seasons, but decided to take a rather risky leap of faith for the third:

Anyone doing anything could apply and participate.

I was seduced.

I dug deep in search of newfound energy to complete Besnowed, writing and releasing a novel for the very first time.

I also started this very substack and have written short updates every week.

That snowballed into enough motivation to write several other books as well: Maneus, Revification, Rhean, and now Lux Aeterna.

All in the span of a little over a year.

Fueled by that misguided dream and after all that effort ended with a loss, I learned the painful lesson of how Buildpsace is more of a fool’s errand than an actual future — at least for me and my passion.

I don’t mean to place blame or fault. Buildspace and every season has been an incredible outlet and community.

It’s hard to say whether or not I would have released anything at all if I was not pushed by these fast-paced seasons and their motivational waves to simply show the world what we are working on.

But I’ve realized that the idea is meant to be exploratory rather than final.

It just so happens that in the end, I seem to not be the best match for the winner’s circle.

I will forever be thankful for that push to publish, but I needed to accept the reality of my work never panning out to a profitable outcome.

So, after some initial disappointment with Season 5 being pushed back, I joined with tepid motivation and lowered expectations.

That has actually worked in my favor.

Even without the setbacks from sudden sickness, I planned to ride the hype without becoming so intimately invested in a competition I would surely lose.

My Letters

Outside of my own shifts in perspective, I always planned on releasing what became Lux Aeterna for the “next” season of Buildspace.

The core of this new book is an anthology of letters I wrote — letters I have been hiding. I was terrified of sharing them and thought it may be better to just never let them see the light of day.

The few people who read my letters praised them for their emotional touches. Similar in the way they reflected common sentiments. Personal in the way they grasped the differences in how we feel them.

I initially thought I could simply put them all together and leave it at that.

A collection not meant to be read as a story, but rather the kind of book you flip open to any page and reflect on the words.

The idea progressed and I soon grew weary of tying everything so close to my real life.

I needed to find a way to twist everything into a new story.

I could then obscure the details and add a narrative, making my letters half a novella and half an anthology.

That nascent idea brewed into a potent potion after spending so much time in the world of Maneus. With the addition of Rhean as a prequel, there were still a few pressing questions waiting in the time between the two stories.

Lux Aeterna could fill that gap as an intermission.

A shorter addition to the epic, this new book casts a powerful light on one of the few remaining shadows clouding the image of the character of Maneus. Our hero finally has a much more vivid painting of his full life.

When I first put Book I of Maneus on paper, I left the titular character as something of a mystery. That enigmatic persona played perfectly into the theme of how strangers become close friends, adding to my own and other readers’ enjoyment.

But it also left people asking questions and wanting answers.

How exactly did Maneus, the unassuming corner store owner, get to this mundane position?

Why is this lazy manager the fated hero of the universe?

Rhean explains some of that heroic past and even explores some of the complex cosmos in the background of every story in the Epic of Maneus.

With Lux Aeterna as a new entry into the grander narrative, we get a glimpse into the life of the veteran after he moved to the city of Arstafas — a window into the corporate hell he escaped.

This new story is thus a bridge between the soldier we meet in Rhean and the manager we see in Maneus serving cheap cups of coffee at a dirty corner store.

Personal Benefit

I’m happy with how Lux Aeterna combines my personal letters and adds to my universe. The oddness of being both a novella and an anthology fits well with who I am as a person and a writer.

That strange combination then also blends into the prophetic imagery found on every page.

I find that perfectly matches with the overarching theme of showing everyone how it would feel to have your mind corrupted by the villainous Dwolmarik.

Lux Aeterna looks into what everyday life felt like for the denizens of Arstafas — first-hand accounts of how the chaos reigned supreme and captured souls in the shadows.

There is a much more personal effect as well.

Releasing these letters has been a therapeutic process for me.

I wrote them when I was in one of the worst places I’ve ever been mentally. I felt trapped and alone and struggled to find the will to take another step.

There is certainly an irony in how many would call my life back then better than it is now. I could even agree with that upon a superficial reading, but I worry about what else I would have lost.

I was on a dangerous path, cognizant of my own pain. I fear what further lamentation awaited had I not left that more productive and profitable life.

So, after a year of doing Buildspace and publishing multiple books, I am happy to finally lift that weight and share my burden — however imagined and only in my own head it may be.

Returning Home

With Sidereal Times also releasing this Friday, I’ll include a reminder about Lux Aeterna when it’s sent out.

Whether it’s my writing or one of the submissions, I hope you find something to enjoy in the words or at least otherwise appreciate the emotions on the pages.

In any case, I believe it was important for me to finally reveal a few of my more hidden thoughts and false hopes.

Until next time.

—JMB