Connected Dots
And a few moving parts
Hey! How do you stay focused?
There’s a lot of talk about what it means to meet specific expectations or follow a plan to its end. Most of this falls under the broad scope of a noble idea, but when it comes to writing sometimes it’s easy to get lost in the weeds rather than plant any trees.
Or perhaps I’m just feeling a little extra scatter brained today. An excuse or not, I’m taking it easier to let my more active thoughts focus on the task of editing.
A way to let the impersonal and personal shift in meaning and intention. Hopefully enough to remove myself from any accusations. The kind of disclaimer at the beginning of a book meant to remove any legal liability.
Ah, the fear of being seen as I work to express myself.
Ouroboros or not, the kind of esteem that eats itself alive as anxiety.
In clearer terms, this week will mostly be another piece of flash fiction!
Released Tension
Vacations are meant to be the one time of the year when you can relax, so why does it always leave me feeling so stressed?
The kind of question James often asked himself right before everyone piled into the car. The reservations, the flight, the overnight delight, it all added up to a lot of stress.
“Get in the car already!” He shouted out the open window, resisting the temptation to start honking the horn. They weren’t really late either, but all the built up tension involved with so many moving parts got to him. The way everything needed to go just right for anything to make sense at all.
What should have been an all inclusive excursion risked ending up as a chaotic week of constant vigilance. A job in and of itself even with the drinks flowing freely. Not to mention how thoughts of what needed to be done back home always entered his mind before the car even left the garage.
“Come on! The lines at the airport are long! We need to get there early!” That and other such bullshit was the run-of-the-mill lying he spoke out loud to hide the fear he hid in himself. It’d be wrong to say James meant to put this pressure on his family, but it would be equally false to claim his stubborn attitude didn’t sour the experience from the start. “And they’ll be waiting for us!”
The door to the garage swung open and an avalanche of suitcases fell through. On the other side was a young boy flanked by his two sisters, each with their own excessive amounts of toys and playthings tucked into their arms.
“Everyone’s used the bathroom?” Julie shouted from past the front hall. She was doing her last minute check-up to make sure nothing important or unimportant was forgotten in any of the messy rooms their children claimed to regularly clean.
“Um…” One of the girls spoke up and the expression of James’ face signaled the end of an uneasy truce. “I need to use the bathroom…!”
Her voice squeaked out the excuse and she dropped her handful of plastic memories right on the floor. A doll rolling over the spilled suitcases and bouncing under the car.
“Jesus Christ…” James sighed and cursed under his breath a few more times as he unbuckled his seatbelt to step out of the car. He didn’t like it, but he also wasn’t going to let a toy be the end of any lingering possibilities for real relaxation. “Every fucking time…”
And as he reached for the doll lodged under the back of the front-right tire, his mind was busied with the task at hand. Annoyed and aggravated, but very much distracted. When James lifted his head again, everyone was peacefully waiting in the car, holding in their laughter.
Oh, how the tables had turned.
James himself let out an honest smile. The first he was able to muster since before any plans were even mentioned of a trip. He let out another sigh and finally found a way to let it all go, driving the hour long trip to the airport in a newfound relative peace.
What remained was opening up to exploring the possibility of all that was waiting on the other side. The memories Julie had of waterfalls and beaches and how the children knew nothing of either.
“Wow!” The little boy bounced in his seat as an airplane roared above the car. “Flying is so cool!”
James wondered why he had let the bad mood build so high in his mind. The way it was all released with little rhyme or reason only added to the humor of it all.
Not letting the stress sabotage everything. And, at least for a little while, seeing the real benefit of a family vacation.
More Writing
Other than these little stories, I’m still working through the Dorus edits. There is certainly more to be said about how that process has gone, but I want to wait until I’m closer to the end.
Rather than a mix of jumbled thoughts, I think I’ll eventually share a completed idea of how I put it all together and solved the equation of my own missing pieces.
Otherwise, until next time,
—JMB